Tzeitel's Story
by Just-Met-A-Girl-Named-Maria
Summary: This is about the book that the play is based on. SPOILER This is about Motel's death and the aftermath. Will Tzeitel and her children be able to cope with the sudden death of their father/husband? Will Tzeitel take drastic measures to ease her pain similar to her departed sister Shpritze? Read to find out.


_Hello all! I wrote this about a year ago when i was in Fiddler and obsessed. I read the book and Motel's death shocked me, and i myself cried. But in the story, they don't go into it very much, so i decided to do that here. This is how i imagine Tzeitel and her children would react. Im also working on one for Chava, also based on the book. Please read and review :)_

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Tzeitel's Story

I heard him coughing from the bedroom.

"Motel?" I called to him. "You said you were getting better,"

"I am!" he replied confidently, walking into the room.

"Shhhh!" I whispered. "The children!" I gestured to the small bed crowded with four little ones.

"Yes," he whispered climbing into bed. "As I was saying, I am better! At least I feel better. I have been coughing less, I have. I feel less aching, and my throat hurts less!"

"Well Motel, you do look less pale, and stronger," then I giggled. "As strong as you'll get!"

"Oh Tzeitel..." he laughed at my little joke. Then he gazed down at my stomach. "Have you thought of any names yet?"

"Oh I don't know..." I thought. "If it's a girl, I think we should name it Golde, after my mama, god rest her soul,"

"Oh Tzeitel," he embraced me. Then, he stared into my eyes, with those sparkling eyes of his. His face could melt a heart of ice. "That's a wonderful idea my lamb," he kissed my forehead gently, blew out his candle, and we went to sleep without another word.

I woke up that morning, not knowing what hell was going to occur in my very own home.

I sat up in bed, preparing to wake the kids, when I saw that Motel was still sleeping. "Motel!" I laughed. "Get up you silly man, we you have a shirt to mend for Reb Finkelstein!" I shoved him gently. "Motel!" I shook him violently. "Get up we have work to-" then I looked at his face. It was whiter than the sheets. "Motel? MOTEL!" I shrieked. "MOTEL GET UP! Oh Motel, please! Motel, Motel, Motel..." I heaved myself onto him and cried more tears than I had ever cried in my whole life.

My kids had woken up instantly at the sound of my shrieks. They ran over to me as fast as there little feet could carry them, and at that moment, my two eldest understood what had happened, and my Raziel, she got on her knees and broke down crying the poor thing. My son, my Aaron looked so pale one would have thought he was a dead man. He stood there, stiller than a statue, and Raziel and I were screaming. The twins were tapping hers and mines shoulders wondering why we were so sad.

I was babbling and muttering and crying out words that I myself couldn't even understand. I was shoving him and shaking him, but it was too late for my Motel. My poor, poor Motel...

"Aaron," I barely managed to spit out words after many minutes of crying. "Go get your Grandpa," he stood there not moving a muscle, only his eyes were near to spilling over. "Did you not hear me? Go get your grandpa!" with that he dashed out of the room before I even saw him do so. After a while even my little twins were crying, seeing everyone else cry. They were hugging each other and hugging Raziel, and me, and we were all a mess of waterworks.

Soon Aaron walked into the room, still pale as a ghost, with papa running as fast as I'd ever seen him run behind him.

"Oh Papa!" I cried. "He's gone papa! He's gone!" I wailed.

"Tzeitel..." he opened his arms unsurely, and I ran to them. I threw my arms around his neck and just cried and cried and cried. He held me there for longer than I could remember. He hugged me tighter than he ever had.

He listened to me babble and scream and go on and on. Before I knew it, he was sitting on a chair, holding me in his lap like a child, and he was stroking my head, and then the rest is a blur...

My eyes fluttered open, and I sat up slowly, shaking my head and swearing to myself that it was all a dream. When I looked around though, my eyes said differently. The children were sadder than I'd ever seen them, and Papa was trying to comfort them, barely managing dry eyes himself. Motel was not in the bed anymore.

"Papa?" I croaked. "Where is Motel?" I got out of bed. I rose from my bed and went to the next room to dress.

"Tzeitel, don't you remember?" Papa said, sounding confused.

"Papa, don't be silly," I said. "There's nothing to remember! I was asleep!" I covered my head with a rag and got to work cooking breakfast. "Children! What are you standing around for? We have work to do!"

"But-but, papa..." Raziel stammered.

"Papa will be home soon," I reassured her. "He just went to return something, that's all. He's coming back." I was cooking vigorously.

"Mama?" Raziel seemed very concerned. She went up to me and touched my shoulder.

"He is coming back!" I yelled at her face. "That was just a dream! He is alive and well! He is coming back!" she ran back to Papa in tears. "Get to work you lazy girl! And you," I pointed at Aaron. "Haven't you got something to do with your papa?"

"But-" he stopped and thought for a while.

"Well?"

"Yes mama," he ran out the door.

When breakfast was all ready, I called everyone inside. "Papa, will you be eating with us?

"Tzeitel, don't you understand what is-"

"Where is he? He should be back by now!" I walked to the doorway. "I suppose he will miss breakfast today then," I came back inside. "Maybe I'll save him some,"

"Tzeitel..."

"What Papa?" I snapped at him. "You are looking at me like I've gone completely mad! What is the matter with you?"

"Come here my lamb," he took my hand and pulled me back into the bedroom. "Motel is not coming back-"

"Yes he is!" my eyes filled with tears.

"Tzeitel," he looked me straight in the eye. "You can't go on living like this," he stroked my head. "You can't pretend it never happened, and go on living your life as if he'll come back home. I'm sorry Tzeitel..."

"What are you saying papa?" my eyes were filled up so, that I couldn't even see anymore.

"Tzeitel..." and he went on telling me things that I could not, would not believe.

"He's...he's...dead Tzeitel..." he told me.

"No...no...no, no, no, NO!" I let the tears fall. "You're lying to me!" I fell on my knees and sobbed on his lap. "No, no, no, no…"

"Oh Tzeitel..." he held me."Tzeitel, Tzeitel, oh my poor Tzeitel..."

I listened to the papa say the mourners' prayer, with tears rolling down my face. It had been a full month without him. My Motel. The love of my life. I was hugging my kids, they were sobbing on me. Then I felt a very sharp pain. I winced suddenly. A puddle of liquid collected between my feet. I listened to the rest of the prayer in extreme pain. Then when he was done, he was about to leave, when I screamed,

"Papa! Papa! The baby!" I was breathing heavily. "It's time Papa! Get Anya!"

His face went pale. "Aaron! Lay her down! Raizel! Get a wet rag and wipe her face with it! Tzeitel, just relax, you're going to be fine," he ran out the door to find Anya, the midwife.

Before I knew it I was laying in bed, with Raziel wiping down my face.  
Papa came back and stayed at my side the whole time. I squeezed his hand and he listened to me scream and cry.

"It's alright, Tzeitel, you're going to be fine," he reassured me over and over. All the while I was thinking, Motel should be here for me, not Papa. He didn't get to see the birth of his fifth child...

I was crying harder than I needed to, and that combined with all the pain...I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head and everything just went black.

My eyes opened slowly and unsurely and I moaned.

"Grandpa! She's awake!" I heard Raziels' voice.

Then papa was at my side gently shaking me. "Tzeitel, Tzeitel my lamb, wake up, wake up,"

I opened my eyes completely, looking at my papa. "Oh, thank the good Lord!" he sighed in relief. "I thought you'd left us for a moment!"

"Papa, where's my baby?" I panicked.

"Oh he's fine!" he laughed. "Raziel!"

Just then, Raziel came walking in slowly with a little bundel. "It's a boy,"

I smiled. But when she put him in my arms, I went so pale I thought I would faint again.

"What is it?" Papa looked concerned.

I couldn't say a word. I just stared at that baby, thinking of one person. When I looked into his eyes...it was the last thing I remember seeing of him...those beautiful sparkling eyes...

"Motel,"

"What?" Papa asked.

"His name is Motel," I held him close and gently kissed his forehead. My baby. My Motel.

From that day, when I wasn't working I was spending time with Motel. I took him everywhere I went. If I was cooking, he was laying there in a bundle on the countertop, right next to me. If I was folding laundry, there he was, laying in his basket right by my side. If I was scrubbing floors, or washing windows, or anything, he was there. I kept him at my side always. I loved to look into his beautiful eyes. It comforted me.

One day, I was cradling him in my arms, marveling at how wonderful he was, when by surprise Papa walked into the room.

"Hello Papa," I said, looking up from him.

"Hello Tzeitel," he walked over to me slowly. "Tzeitel, we need to have a talk," he sat next to me on the bed.

"About what papa?" I wouldn't look up from him.

"Tzeitel, put him in his cradle,"

"What?" my eyes darted on him.

"Tzeitel," he took him from my arms and walked over to his cradle. "You have other children,"

"Yes I know that," I glanced back at Motel in his cradle.

"You certainly don't act like it!" he scoffed. "All you do is spend time with him!" he gestured to Motel.

I bit my lip, and stared down at the floor.

"Look, all I am saying, is that you need to realize that there are other children that need as much love as he is getting," he added more gently. He picked my head up and looked at my wet eyes.

"Yes papa," I got up and left the room slowly, but as soon as I was out of his sight, I dashed out the door and ran away from the house.

I just kept running. Tears flew behind me and my cries echoed through the trees. I ran so far I didn't even know where I was anymore. I tripped on something and tumbled head over heels into the dirt. I lay on the ground hugging my knees and sobbing quietly. Then I listened for a moment. I heard the sound of rushing water. I stood up and I limped over to the sound I heard. I peered around a tree and saw a river. It was rushing loudly and quickly, and then suddenly, something snapped. And I couldn't control myself. I walked slowly to it until I was so close, that if I coughed I'd tumble into it. I stared into the foaming, flowing, rushing water. I thought of my children. I was all they had left. But I was the worst thing to be stuck with. All I did was spend time with Motel. I was as good to the rest of them as a bucket with holes. I was a worthless mess without my husband. My Motel. Motel. I would see him in the next world. My Motel...but would this be the right way to join him? I would see Mama too...I would also see-I gasped. Was this what she was thinking about too? She was just eighteen...Shpritze. I remembered seeing Mama's face that day. And papa. Oh papa...…he did so much for me...is this how I thank him? By breaking his heart into more pieces? I turned my body away from the river I took a look back.

But I just couldn't go on like this. Papa even said so. I had lost my husband. I had neglected my children. God only knows how crushed their little hearts must be.

I turned my body around again and lifted a foot.

"Mama!"

I whirled around, nearly fainting with dread.

"Mama..." suddenly, there was someone pulling me away from the river and then I was thrown to my knees and arms were thrown around me.

"Mama...oh Mama...I didn't know...oh Mama if I knew...oh Mama..."

"Oh Raziel…I'm sorry...I didn't… I wouldn't…oh Raziel..."

"Oh mama..."

Eventually, we had gotten up and started to walk home.

"Grandpa was so worried," Raziel stuttered. "I could tell he was thinking of Auntie Shpritze and what she did. I got worried, so I ran to the river to find you. I just about died when I saw you there mama...I thought that you would... "

"I'm sorry Raizel...I just...I couldn't...I'm so sorry..." I stopped and hugged my daughter tightly.

"I wish Papa was here..." she sobbed into me.

Her words cut into my heart like a knife. They were so small, and sad, and lonely. My heart spilled opened, and I realized why I had to stay with them. They needed me more than I thought they did. I needed them. "I know baby, I-I do to..."

We continued our walk home holding each other. When we arrived, we stepped in the doorway, and the twins came running.

"Mama! Mama!" they hugged my legs.

"Tzeitel!" Papa came to me and hugged me. "I was so worried Tzeitel, I thought that you would try to..."

"Papa..." I looked at him and froze. I'd never seen him cry before… "Papa! Please don't cry papa,"

He then straightened himself out, wiped his forehead, and sent the children off to bed.

"I'm sorry I worried you so," I said. "I just couldn't take it anymore. I needed some time alone,"

"I understand," he said. "Now I know this isn't exactly the best time, but you don't have any money left, and you can't pay for this house anymore. You and your children may come live with me,"

But…this house… Motel carried me through this doorway when we first married. I cooked my meals for him on this stove. He mended shirts at that sewing machine. Our children were born in that bedroom.

"But, papa..." I was speechless. "This is our house. That squeaky door, the overused stove, his...his sewing machine..."

"I know it will be hard Tzeitel, but it's better than having them kick you out and not even getting the chance to pack anything,"

"Yes...you're right..." I went to bed, thinking about this house. I dreamt about our wedding. And the first time we came to this house married. And the tailor shop. And our children. I woke up when I realized I was crying. I got out of bed, and began to pack some things. Some clothes, plates and bowls and silverware. By the day we were ready to leave, everything was packed except...

"Mama, what about the sewing machine?" one of my little twins asked.

I had left it sitting on that table for days without even looking at it. Then I walked over to it. I blew off the dust, and then ran my fingers across it. I remembered how he would work at it day and night, until he had finished what he was doing. I remembered the time when he guided me through a stitch or two, and I had hurt my finger. We had laughed about that for years...

"Tzeitel, are you ready?" Papa was standing in the doorway.

"One moment Papa," I found the box that it had come in, packed it away, and put it back on the table. I went into the empty bedroom, and I took one last look around. I could almost see my babies crawling around, and I could almost see them growing up right before my eyes. I looked at the other room. I could almost see myself cooking a meal on the stove, while he worked at his sewing machine. I took it all in, and then I turned to Papa. "I'm ready now Papa,"

Raziel handed me Motel, and Papa picked up the box, and we left the house. I opened and closed that squeaky door one last time, and then I couldn't look back anymore. It was too painful.

Then I looked into my baby's eyes. They were all I needed to stay alive. I looked at Raziel, and Aaron, and my twins, and my papa. As long as I had them, I could survive, at least for a little while longer.


End file.
